Exit Stage Left

 It has been almost two full months now since my official time as an Active Duty marine came to an end. The transition overall proved more difficult in many ways than I or Meghan expected. I think over the coming months I will have more to say over this topic but I wanted to pause and take the time to reflect.

1) Identity Crisis - Very easy to feel this, even when you didn't think you got your identity from the military, you did. In ways that weren't evident, and that's okay, even good in some ways and at some times. We do identify with what we spend our time on, what we spend our effort on, and in many cases, you spend more time at work than you do at home or at church, therefore it follows that your vocation would shape a large part of your identity. Pause. Lets be very clear that as Christians our identity is in Christ. That supersedes all else. Within that, God has given us responsibilities: Husband, Father, Leader at church - and these all nest within our identities in Christ - because we are Christians we operate a certain way within these roles. A biblical way. Now if you believe in the providence of God, then your vocation is certainly not outside of that providence and therefore is also a responsibility of yours to nest that role within your greater call to identify with Christ. I am a Christian husband, I am a Christian Father, I am a Christian Marine. It so happens that over the last 5 years of my life, that last nested identity determined where I lived, when I was able to be at home, when I was able to travel with my family, the healthcare we received, my time, Etc. 

Two months ago was my last day as an Active Duty Marine. 

I faced the crux of competing priorities and I made a difficult decision - but one that placed my role and responsibility as a Husband and a Father above my vocation. 

The transition was not all sunshine and rainbows with a smooth plan for housing, a high-paying job, and a friend group all waiting for us. In fact, we faced several obstacles: Our deployment was extended by three months, leaving us just over one month to sell our home, pack and move our belongings, and transition my platoon to oncoming leadership.  The job I thought I would get immediately out of the Marine Corps decided I wasn't the right fit. The church we thought we would be attending deemed too long of a trip for us to have a regular community. The loss of our church family, friend group, and purpose at work weighed heavily on Meghan and me, a real dislocation of expectation, and we often questioned if we had made a mistake. Did we too fall into the grass is greener mentality? 

Now let's place all of those doubts and obstacles against the reality of today. 

For the past three months I have been at the dinner table every night with my family. 

My children have had their father read to them, sing with them, pray with them every night before they close their eyes. ( barring a week I visited my parents in Africa) 

I spent our 6th wedding anniversary with my wife, after spending the last three apart. 

I am building my wife her dream home on 21 acres, most importantly with her dream oven from France (that last part was joke). 

We are living with my in-laws during the build process and our kids are creating a deep relationship with their grandparents. 

I could go on about all the blessings, the list does not have an end. 

The Marine Corps is efficient at warfighting because when I left, it didn't matter. Someone stepped into my role and is now doing an even better job than I did. 

Quick list of some things I'm taking away - 

- Being in the Marines is a privilege, not a right, you might have to give up part of yourself to succeed(If you know my story you'll know how literally I mean that). Reinforcement of the fact that things worth achieving require sacrifice. 

- Greatest achievements were not my own but those of my Marines. Promoting my chief scout to SSgt is one of the greatest honors I received. Re-enlisting a sniper in the mud after a ghillie break in, securing four more years of his leadership within the community, two more promotions after break-ins. The awards, the school graduations, the Honor graduates of those schools, the intelligence briefings I sat in the back silently clapping as my Cpl absolutely crushed a threat analysis. All of those things I just listed were accomplishments of those around me, not my own, but they are what I am and will remain most proud of. Greatest achievements as an Officer were not my own but those of my Marines. 

I love this because its the same for Husband's and Fathers. If you want to know the worth of man, look at his wife. Look at his children. Don't look at him, look at what he's responsible for cultivating and determine if they are thriving. This is a constant reminder to me when I start thinking too much about myself.  

- Sometimes training had an alterior motive. We thought we weren't getting any more trained by being so miserable, but that was the point. Being comfortable with being miserable DOES make you a better, more capable, more lethal, leader. Don't shy away from difficulty, embrace it and the change it will make in you. 

- We weren't training Marines, we were growing men. "If you're planning for years grow rice, if you're planning for centuries grow men"

07/14/2024

 Yesterday was Saturday, July 13th and as my family commenced our Sabbath celebration Meghan informed me of some shocking news, Trump had been shot during a rally in Pennsylvania. We had just sat the kids down and started a movie, and I had just begun rolling out the first pizza dough - we took a pause and watched what news we could find. Through what has come out over the last twenty-four hours I just have a couple of comments to make. 

In the Marine Corps, there is a phrase we use all the time, it almost takes on a satire-ish use, but the truth of it still resounds, simple as it is. "Words have meaning". Don't make your intent to "destroy" when you really mean "neutralize" - words have meaning(I'll spare you the nuance of the definitions of tactical tasks). Now since 2016, we have been hearing things like "Trump is Hitler, he is a fascist Nazi, etc." It is generally accepted that during the WWII era, killing Hitler would have been seen as an act of global good. One side of our political aisle has been treating these two men as equals, so it follows that any "good" person today should carry out an assassination attempt, for it would be a global good.  - Words have Meaning, we need to be consistent, wild exaggerations and bravado have consequences. 

Leadership is enacted, not claimed - strength is tested in adversity, not in controlled environments. I can't think of a less controlled environment or a more adverse situation than to be shot at. I can't think of a better snapshot in time to reveal a man's strength, resolve, and leadership than those seconds immediately following bullets flying over his head or even into his own body. We saw Trump not cower behind his security detail, but immediately lead. In a situation he had never encountered or trained for, his response was strong. I respected this, and though there are many things I don't respect about him, this moment proved to me his intentions to lead. 

Nothing is new under the sun. Like most scenarios, we blame sin on the object - but sin is of the heart. We like to blame drunkenness on the object of alcohol, porn on the ease of access to the internet, murder on guns, and addiction on drugs - but these are all problems of the heart, and sin is not picky on its outlet. We could find many things to blame in this situation, and I'm sure many political analysts and news hosts will do so with a pointed political agenda. But we know this is the result of unrepentant sin. James 4:1-2 says that we lust and do not have so we murder. We covet and cannot obtain. Politics are very complicated, but what happened yesterday resulted from sin in a man's heart. 

May we understand the times and what to do about it. 

Brussels Airport

 Amid the hustle of international travel, the connections, the delays, and the stress of it all, a man stops to play a public piano. This fellow traveler stopped to share beautiful music with anyone willing to take out their Bluetooth headphones and listen. 

“One hand full of rest is better than two fists full of labor and striving after wind” Ecc 4:6

This was a great reminder that all creation speaks of a creator, all creation sings his praises - it is all around us if we are able to slow down and listen, and see. That piano music was beautiful because God gave us ears to enjoy it, it was beautiful because not everyone is gifted or trained to play it, we love music because our creator loves music.

This reminded me of a quote from CS Lewis that I read in an essay of his though I don’t remember the name. Lewis is explaining that you can reach after God or you can try to avoid him and he says about avoiding God: 

“Avoiding him in many times and places has proved so difficult that a very large part of the human race failed to achieve it. But in our own time and place it is extremely easy. Avoid silence. Avoid solitude. Avoid any train of thought that leads off the beaten track. Concentrate on money, sex, status, health, and above all on your own grievances. Keep the radio on. Live in a crowd. Use plenty of sedation. If you must read books, select them very carefully but you’d be safer to stick to the papers. You’ll find the advertisements helpful, especially those with a sexy or snobbish appeal.”

Do you know someone who rejects the truth about our Savior? Does their life look anything like what CS describes above? Are you unintentionally aligning the day to day of your life with the narrative above? 

“Aspire to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands” 1 Thes 4:11

Father's Day 2024

 Happy Father's Day! 

I'll set the tone of this writing by sharing a quote from John Adams:

"Liberty must at all hazards be supported. We have a right to it, derived from our Maker. But if we had not, our fathers have earned and bought it for us, at the expense of their ease, their estates, their pleasure, and their blood."

I share this quote for two reasons, first to shift the mindset on Father's Day from our immediate one father, but to the hundreds and thousands of fathers who, for generations have sacrificed, many with blood and life to create the life we have today, and second to set the record straight that all of those things they sacrificed for would not have come to fruition without the Providence of our heavenly Father. 

The impact of a Father should not be viewed to and certainly does not stop at the first generation. His action or inaction will be felt for hundreds of years. The Lord says that he will place curses on generations that follow those who curse him but bless a thousand generations of those who faithfully serve him. 

let the following example simmer:

This is a juxtaposition between two men who lived in the same state and during the same years. Jonathan Edwards a God-fearing father who took action and Max Jukes, a worldly man. Men have studied 729  of Edward's descendants. Of this number came 300 preachers, 65 college professors, 13 university presidents, 60 authors, 3 United States congressmen, and one vice president of the United States. Men have also studied Jukes' descendants: Three hundred of them died prematurely. One hundred were sent to the penitentiary for an average of 13 years each. One hundred ninety were public prostitutes. There were 100 drunkards.

The difference is action in the realm of our command as Fathers to raise up our children in the training and admonition of the Lord. This cannot be outsourced to teachers at school, Sunday school teachers at church, daycares, private schools, coaches, etc. Children learn 10 % from what you say is important, and 90% from what they SEE is important based on your actions and the life you live with and in front of them. 

Theodore Roosevelt said: 

“It is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of deed might have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he wins, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” 

Toast today the fathers who have come before us who got in the arena. Blessed are we who have the privilege to be downstream of their faithfulness, sacrifice, and obedience to Christ. May we be numbered among them.  

“Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14-26

Warning - Morgan Wallen (We actually don't want one)

 If you haven't heard the song by Morgan Wallen, "Warning" - give it a listen. If you didn't know anything about him, the situation, or the general country music industry, you might think he was a Christian faced with his Sin and experiencing the guilt that accompanies an unrepentant life ready to change his ways. There was a time in my life when I could have sung the lyrics to this song as well. Here is a quote from the song: 

Should've come with a warnin' (ooh)
Don't sit right there
Don't sip on what they're pouring (you)
Her kiss is gonna kill you in the morning
Nah, it ain't gonna end too good
Everything about that night I thought I wanted
Should've come with a warnin' (ooh)
Should've come with a warnin'

The irony here is that all of the above DID in fact come with a Warning. When we are young we don't want the warning, and then when we are old we lament about not having one. 

"But to what shall I liken this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to their companions, and saying:

‘We played the flute for you,  and you did not dance; We mourned to you, and you did not lament.’

For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look, a glutton and a winebibber, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ But wisdom is justified by her children.” - Matthew 11: 16-19

We are no different than the generation that Jesus speaks of in the verses above. We simply have an objection to anything that crushes the pedestal we place our desires on.

There is a warning, it is found on every page of scripture - It is found in the wisdom of mature Christian men and women in your church - Do not run from it and then wail that you did not have it. If you do, your last name might need to be 'Wallen' too. 

360 Degrees

 The enemy does not play by your rulebook. The enemy will not pursue you where you are strongest, or where you are most prepared. Indeed the enemy is cunning, and defeat often is not anticipated but only realized after the thing is done. There is nothing finer than the point of a needle, but when it has made a hole, it draws all the thread after it. A small leak will sink a great ship. 

Look at the picture below.. Do you see it? Where do you think my Marine expects the enemy to be?

The concealment is objectively good; however, he expects the enemy to be where it is most convenient for him, directly at his front. 

Now look at the same position from a different angle. Where do you think my Marine did NOT expect the enemy to be? 

We tend to do a great job of protecting our front. This Marine had excellent vegetation on his torso, head, rifle, optic, and tripod. If the enemy was confined to his front I'm confident he would not have been compromised - he would have been able to take his shot and exfiltrate. He would have been able to impose his will on whoever was downrange of him. 

But there is no guarantee the enemy will be confined to a position most advantageous to us. His lack of concealment from his flank would have gotten him compromised if only one patrol passed his position. 

Don't get comfortable or complacent. When you do, the fatal blow is close at hand. Do not cut corners and always remember the enemy gets a vote. 

The 2x6 Man

 I loved the chapter titled "Two by Six" in Doug Wilson's book "How to Exasperate Your Wife". I want to share a couple of highlights from the chapter and add some additional comments. 

When building a house, 2x6s are normally used to construct both interior and exterior walls and provide the essential structural stability of the building. Speaking specifically of the exterior walls, these framed walls define the boundaries of the house. These walls define the difference between inside and outside. These walls provide support for the trusses, which support the roof, and thereby maintain the difference between wet and dry. 

These walls have two sides to them, the outside which is exposed to the elements and therefore fixed with sheathing, housewrap, and siding; and the inside, which is covered in sheetrock and painted. This perimeter wall which defines the house is filled with windows. 

The two by sixes we addressed originally provide most if not all of their value completely out of sight. Husbands are like these two by sixes. Their value is often not seen from the outside and this is natural and good. They are to cultivate the beauty and glory of their family, not of themselves. 

They have a responsibility to define the boundaries of the family - they establish the difference of inside and outside - their duty of protection and provision is fundamental. Because of the support the walls give to the roof, children in the home are warm and dry instead of cold and wet. 

"A husband has two sides, just like the exterior wall. The side of the wall that faces his family is very much like the other walls of the house. The sheetrock is the same, the texturing is the same, the color of the paint is the same, pictures are hung, and so on. This means that the man of the house is to live with his family as family. The face he presents to them is conducive to the warmth of life together. But unlike the other walls, six inches away from the warmth of the living room is the hard snow or cold rain. And he has to deal with this at the same time. He presents a wall of protective siding to the world and one of warmth to his family."

Many men struggle with the correct ordering of these two very different sides. Some have the hard protective siding facing both ways - they are hard against the world, and hard against their families. I have worked with many men like this in the military, they have become so indoctrinated into their job, they forget that the reason they began to fight in the first place was for their family. They succeed at work, but they lose the reason why they began that work in the first place. They retire and are amiss as to why their families seem as strangers, having been neglected all the while. 

Another type is the modern sensitive male who has sheetrock on both sides. This sheetrock doesn't weather well. These men fall apart during the first storm, and in life there are and will be many storms. His family is left to fend off the elements with little help from him - but at least he is a nice guy right?

The worst however is the man who completely inverses the correct order. He places siding on the inside towards his family and sheetrock against the elements. He is susceptible to every temptation the world will offer him and yet he is resistant to every need and desire of the wife and children to which he has been given responsibility. He protects his own interests FROM his family, and is in love with the world. One often wonders why he ever married in the first place?

Back to the point on the windows in these perimeter walls. Husbands and Fathers are required to teach. The windows in the walls enable those who live within, the pleasure of seeing the world. These windows must allow the family to see the world and what goes on in it, but they must retain the same protective function as the wall they are in. This is something that requires much wisdom - explaining the world to children without exposing them to it. 

Some men under the guise of protecting their children will remove the windows altogether. This is the typical bad example of a homeschooling family doing it wrong. Things are hidden rather than exposed, topics are avoided rather than explained, sins and temptations and deceit are treated as if they don't exist rather than being illuminated by truth. 

Other men let their kids deal with the world without protection and direction, and these are not windows but simply holes in the wall. This is what a family who sends their kids to public school with an outsourcing mentality might fall into. All teaching is outsourced to their teachers, to their peers, to the internet, to social media, and to the whims of modernity. 

The 2x6 man does all of the above rightly and wisely. He provides structural stability to the family, he protects the family from the harsh outside, and provides warmth and love for them. He teaches, filtering the world through the lens of scripture. He is the wood that is meant to be nailed, meant to be fixed, meant to be cut. "And when a saw runs through this kind of wood, the smell - an aroma of sacrifice - is one of the sweetest smells on earth"