It has been almost two full months now since my official time as an Active Duty marine came to an end. The transition overall proved more difficult in many ways than I or Meghan expected. I think over the coming months I will have more to say over this topic but I wanted to pause and take the time to reflect.
1) Identity Crisis - Very easy to feel this, even when you didn't think you got your identity from the military, you did. In ways that weren't evident, and that's okay, even good in some ways and at some times. We do identify with what we spend our time on, what we spend our effort on, and in many cases, you spend more time at work than you do at home or at church, therefore it follows that your vocation would shape a large part of your identity. Pause. Lets be very clear that as Christians our identity is in Christ. That supersedes all else. Within that, God has given us responsibilities: Husband, Father, Leader at church - and these all nest within our identities in Christ - because we are Christians we operate a certain way within these roles. A biblical way. Now if you believe in the providence of God, then your vocation is certainly not outside of that providence and therefore is also a responsibility of yours to nest that role within your greater call to identify with Christ. I am a Christian husband, I am a Christian Father, I am a Christian Marine. It so happens that over the last 5 years of my life, that last nested identity determined where I lived, when I was able to be at home, when I was able to travel with my family, the healthcare we received, my time, Etc.
Two months ago was my last day as an Active Duty Marine.
I faced the crux of competing priorities and I made a difficult decision - but one that placed my role and responsibility as a Husband and a Father above my vocation.
The transition was not all sunshine and rainbows with a smooth plan for housing, a high-paying job, and a friend group all waiting for us. In fact, we faced several obstacles: Our deployment was extended by three months, leaving us just over one month to sell our home, pack and move our belongings, and transition my platoon to oncoming leadership. The job I thought I would get immediately out of the Marine Corps decided I wasn't the right fit. The church we thought we would be attending deemed too long of a trip for us to have a regular community. The loss of our church family, friend group, and purpose at work weighed heavily on Meghan and me, a real dislocation of expectation, and we often questioned if we had made a mistake. Did we too fall into the grass is greener mentality?
Now let's place all of those doubts and obstacles against the reality of today.
For the past three months I have been at the dinner table every night with my family.
My children have had their father read to them, sing with them, pray with them every night before they close their eyes. ( barring a week I visited my parents in Africa)
I spent our 6th wedding anniversary with my wife, after spending the last three apart.
I am building my wife her dream home on 21 acres, most importantly with her dream oven from France (that last part was joke).
We are living with my in-laws during the build process and our kids are creating a deep relationship with their grandparents.
I could go on about all the blessings, the list does not have an end.
The Marine Corps is efficient at warfighting because when I left, it didn't matter. Someone stepped into my role and is now doing an even better job than I did.
Quick list of some things I'm taking away -
- Being in the Marines is a privilege, not a right, you might have to give up part of yourself to succeed(If you know my story you'll know how literally I mean that). Reinforcement of the fact that things worth achieving require sacrifice.
- Greatest achievements were not my own but those of my Marines. Promoting my chief scout to SSgt is one of the greatest honors I received. Re-enlisting a sniper in the mud after a ghillie break in, securing four more years of his leadership within the community, two more promotions after break-ins. The awards, the school graduations, the Honor graduates of those schools, the intelligence briefings I sat in the back silently clapping as my Cpl absolutely crushed a threat analysis. All of those things I just listed were accomplishments of those around me, not my own, but they are what I am and will remain most proud of. Greatest achievements as an Officer were not my own but those of my Marines.
I love this because its the same for Husband's and Fathers. If you want to know the worth of man, look at his wife. Look at his children. Don't look at him, look at what he's responsible for cultivating and determine if they are thriving. This is a constant reminder to me when I start thinking too much about myself.
- Sometimes training had an alterior motive. We thought we weren't getting any more trained by being so miserable, but that was the point. Being comfortable with being miserable DOES make you a better, more capable, more lethal, leader. Don't shy away from difficulty, embrace it and the change it will make in you.
- We weren't training Marines, we were growing men. "If you're planning for years grow rice, if you're planning for centuries grow men"
