Counterfeit Masculinity

 The following is an excerpt from "Future Men" by Douglas Wilson. A worker asked me for some advice today and I was reminded of this section of this book. I hastened to read it this evening in order to share with him tomorrow the principles found within. Authority flows to those who take responsibility. Furthermore, children learn from their parents example not just their rebuke. Parent's making excuses on behalf of their children is doubly harmful. It is reinforced to the child that excuse making is okay and the child is given the green light to not only make excuses to others, but now to his own parents. The parents have lost authority, and they have bolstered excuse making in their child. 

-"Counterfeit masculinity excels at making excuses. Because the "masculinity" is a matter of pride, not humble acceptance of responsibility, then anything which threatens that pride must be rejected. One of the things which always threatens pride is any kind of failure, and the way that insecure males deal with this is through making excuses. True masculinity accepts responsibility, period, while false masculinity will try to accept responsibility only for success. This is a key distinction and is worth pursuing at some length. 

Suppose a young son is playing left field, and in the course of the game, he drops an easy pop fly. Suppose further that he says he did so because "the sun was in my eyes", "a bee was near me," "the grass was slippery," "a fan yelled and distracted me," and so on. This should be taken with the utmost seriousness by the parents - this boy is in grave spiritual danger. This pattern of fending off a threat of wounded pride through excuse-making is typical of males in sin, and yet is thoroughly unmasculine. A refusal to make excuses is right at the heart of scriptural masculinity. 

Boys need so much practice at this that they should be taught to accept responsibility even when the sun was in their eyes. Unfortunately, many boys are schooled in the techniques of avoiding masculinity by their parents. When a boy does not make excuses it is frequently because he does not need to - mom and dad do it for him. This is particularly the case when there have been consequences for the failure, whatever it is. Suppose the coach substitutes another player, or the boy is dropped from the team because he is on academic probation, or some other fallout occurs. Parents are often ferocious in "explaining" why this shouldn't happen. The son is in the background, taking notes. So when they, the parents, confront him about something, he does to them what he has already learned from them. What he has learned is the practice of refusing to take responsibility. He has learned how to reject masculinity. This can all be done in a loud vice, and with hairy chest, but it is still shirking a duty assigned by God. "-